I just want to be close to my child

“Emotional Withdrawal creates disconnection instead of connection, Greatness in character does not translate to greatness in parenting.” – Wendy Ologe.

On the surface, it sounds innocent noble, even. A parent desiring connection, wanting to be present, involved, and emotionally available. But what if that desire comes not from love alone, but from fear? From trauma? From an unmet need buried deep in your own childhood?

Let’s talk about it, because many times what we label as connection is, in reality, a subtle form of control disguised as love.

If your desire to be close to your child feels urgent like you’re afraid of being distant, that urgency may not be about them. It may be about you.

It could be an unresolved wound from a parent who neglected you, dismissed your emotions, or was too busy to offer you emotional warmth. And now, you’re trying to parent your child in a way that fills the void left behind.

The problem? Children aren’t meant to heal us. They’re not here to carry our unresolved pain.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting a close bond with your child. It becomes a problem when the closeness is fused with fear, when your sense of self-worth hinges on how open or connected your child is to you.

This fear-driven closeness leads to blurred boundaries:
• You begin demanding access to their private thoughts.
• You fear their independence as a threat, not a milestone.
• You justify overprotection as love when it’s actually rooted in anxiety.

Before you know it, you’re not nurturing your child, you’re engulfing them.
There are two kinds of parents:
• The ones who parent from their wounds.
• And the ones who decide to heal, so they can parent from wisdom.

If you grew up with emotional neglect, abandonment, or dysfunction, your parenting instincts might be shaped by survival, not strategy. You may think, “My children will never go through what I went through,” and while that sounds honorable, it’s still trauma talking.
You overcorrect and attack. You become obsessed with not repeating history. But in that obsession, you might be writing a new kind of trauma for your child. The trauma of emotional suffocation, fear-based parenting, and blurred identities.

Let’s clear this up: your children don’t need another friend. They need a leader.
Friendship may feel warm, especially when you’re trying to be the parent you never had, but friendship without boundaries robs children of clarity and structure. Love isn’t about knowing everything; it’s about being safe enough for them to tell you what matters when it matters.
If you find yourself saying, “My children are my only friends,” ask yourself: is that connection or is that dependency?

Not all trauma looks like abuse. Sometimes, trauma is:
• Being overly attached to your child’s achievements.
• Needing to be needed.
• Struggling to say “no” because you’re afraid of being rejected.
• Blurring lines to avoid feeling alone or irrelevant.
Even your financial drive could be trauma in disguise. If you grew up in poverty and swore your children would never experience lack, you might push too hard, spoil them without structure, or tie your worth to their lifestyle.
You may think you’re building legacy but it’s fear of the past that’s leading you.

Here’s the truth: emotions don’t sustain relationships principles do.
Your child will not stay close to you because you carried them for nine months or because you “love them too much.” They’ll stay close when they know you bring value, wisdom, and safety to the table when your presence feels like a resource, not a requirement.
To lead well, you must grow well. You must become someone they want to follow not someone who begs for access.
Unhealed trauma doesn’t disappear it disguises itself. It whispers fear into your parenting. It tells you that if you’re not close, you’re not enough. That if they grow, you’ll lose them. That if they don’t confide in you, you’ve failed.
But none of that is true.
It’s your job to lead, not cling. To love, not hover. To heal, so you don’t hand over your brokenness like an inheritance.
Your child deserves a whole parent. And you deserve freedom from your past.

 • Download our free guide: “The Trauma You Don’t Know”—to uncover the hidden patterns silently shaping your parenting (Click the link below to get the FREE The Trauma You Don’t Know Guide: https://tinyurl.com/TIP-Mail-List)
 • Join our course: Healing from Childhood Trauma—a step-by-step journey to help you break generational cycles and build a parenting model rooted in connection, not control.

Because the people who raise great children are not just good.
They are skilled, intentional, and healed.

And you can be one of them—starting today.

If you find yourself:

Overreacting to small things

Struggling to affirm your child without a “but”

Parenting from control rather than connection…

Then it’s time to look within.

Healing isn’t optional—it’s foundational.
Join the Healing from Childhood Trauma Course and break the patterns you didn’t choose.

Join now for Early Bird offer of just ₦20,500 (instead of ₦35,500).

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