How to Build Independence in Your Child and Stop Overparenting.

“Emotional Withdrawal creates disconnection instead of connection, Greatness in character does not translate to greatness in parenting.” – Wendy Ologe.

Have you ever found yourself hovering over your child, micromanaging their every move in the name of love? You’re not alone. Many parents fall into the trap of overparenting—not because they intend to suffocate their child’s growth, but because they simply don’t know any other way.

Let’s talk about it,

“My child must never suffer what I suffered.”It sounds noble, right? But in reality, this can be very damaging.

One of the most shocking things I’ve realized in my work with parents is that overparenting is often rooted in unresolved trauma. Many times, parents insist they are simply being “protective” or “involved,” but if you dig deeper, it’s fear—fear of their children experiencing the same pain they once did.

You hear things like:

“My child must never suffer what I suffered.”

It sounds noble, right? But in reality, this can be very damaging.

When you overcompensate for your past by shielding your child from every discomfort, you don’t build their resilience—you rob them of it.

1. Fear of Repeating the Past
This is a big one. Maybe you grew up in a chaotic home, suffered neglect, or didn’t feel emotionally safe. So you now swing to the extreme opposite—being constantly present, overly involved, and controlling.

But here’s the kicker: a child who is never allowed to think or act independently becomes an adult who waits to be told what to do.

You’re not protecting them—you’re paralyzing them.

2. The Need for Control
Many parents operate from the trauma of unpredictability. Inconsistent caregiving, abuse, or a sudden loss can lead to the belief that “If I don’t control everything, something bad will happen.

”This shows up in hypervigilance—you never let your child out of sight, trust no one, and panic at the idea of anything going wrong. But it’s not about the child. It’s about you trying to survive your own anxiety.

3. Low Self-Esteem
Sometimes, a parent’s worth is completely tied to their child’s achievements. If the child fails, the parent feels like a failure.

Ever seen parents who turn exam centers into prayer camps? Or who fall apart when their child doesn’t perform well?

That’s not just involvement. That’s a trauma response. A parent who wasn’t validated as a child now seeks validation through their child.

4. Unhealed Inner Child
Maybe no one was there for you growing up. Maybe you were forced to grow up too soon. Now, you swing to the other extreme—never leaving your child’s side.

You feel you must always fix everything for them. But you’re not parenting your child—you’re reparenting yourself through your child.

And that’s dangerous.

5. Anxiety and Hypervigilance
You suspect everyone—even your spouse—of potentially hurting your children. You refuse to let them visit others. You scan constantly for threats.

But again, this isn’t about your child. This is about your past—the molestation you faced, the betrayal you endured, the water you feared after witnessing a drowning.

You’ve created a world of fear and passed that on.

Overparenting is a Trauma Response
We brag about things that should concern us. “I don’t have any friends” sounds strong until you realize it’s a trauma response to abandonment or betrayal. “I turned out okay” becomes the badge we wear to avoid acknowledging pain.

Your child is not your second chance at life. They are not your twin. They are their own person.

What Overparenting Actually Does to Your Child:
It stunts their autonomy, It breeds co independence It fosters anxiety, It transfers your unhealed trauma onto them.

So, How Do You Break Free?
Heal your inner child
Stop parenting from your wounds. Reparent yourself first.

Let go of control
Trust the process. Mistakes are part of learning.

Separate your identity from your child’s
Their success or failure is not your definition.

Embrace discomfort
Let your children struggle. Let them fail. Let them learn.

Join a healing community
Spaces like the Inner Circle offer guidance, empathy, and clarity.

Final Thoughts
The most powerful gift you can give your child is your own healing. If you don’t heal, you’ll bleed on people who didn’t cut you.

Your child deserves the best version of you—not the version still trying to survive.

So if you’re reading this and you feel exposed, seen, or even a bit defensive… good. That’s the beginning of transformation. Awareness is your first step toward becoming the healed, intentional parent your child truly needs.

Your healing is your child’s freedom.
Don’t let your trauma write their story.
 • Download our free guide: “The Trauma You Don’t Know”—to uncover the hidden patterns silently shaping your parenting (Click the link below to get the FREE The Trauma You Don’t Know Guide: https://tinyurl.com/TIP-Mail-List)
 • Join our course: Healing from Childhood Trauma—a step-by-step journey to help you break generational cycles and build a parenting model rooted in connection, not control.

Because the people who raise great children are not just good.
They are skilled, intentional, and healed.

And you can be one of them—starting today.

Everyone registering for the Healing from Childhood Trauma Course gets instant access to our exclusive 10-in-1 Healing Toolkit—a carefully curated resource to help you begin your healing journey with clarity and support.

This toolkit includes practical guides, Healing Journey Self Compassion Checklist,The Inner Child Connection Card, Dropping the Weights Checklist, and more—because healing shouldn’t feel overwhelming.

We didn’t just create a course; we created a safe space… and tools to walk you through it.

Already registered? Your toolkit is waiting.
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Click the link to join, Enroll now. Healing changes everything.

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